Pattern: Substance Use Arc
Steven’s relationship with substances spans from high school cannabis use to his 2025 and 2026 MDPHP use. It is a complex, self-theorized arc involving experimentation, self-medication, augmentation, spiraling, and calibration.
Framing
Steven explicitly rejects a pejorative frame around drug use. From the context document (written January 20, 2025):
“Dans le futur, je ne compte pas arrêter de prendre de la drogue. Pour moi, ce n’est pas un mal en soi, mais plutôt quelque chose qui doit être maîtrisé afin d’en maximiser les bénéfices dans un cadre d’amélioration et de thérapie, et d’en tirer du plaisir dans un cadre récréatif, ainsi que de l’efficacité dans un cadre productiviste… Je vois ça comme une sorte de super-pouvoir.”
He is fascinated by the pharmacology, the effect on cognition, and the interaction with his neurodivergence. This is consistent across all sources. He never writes as someone ashamed.
Chronological arc
Cannabis (high school): Paired with rejection of the school system. Self-described as an escape mechanism and a response to undiagnosed neurodivergence. Quit almost overnight when he moved to Paris. “J’ai arrêté de fumer à peu près au moment où j’ai rencontré Arthur.”
MDMA / ecstasy (late lycée, early études): Festive, in clubs and afters. From the start he notes an attraction toward going too far. The impulse later appears in Stay Up Late.
Adderall (California, 2018 to 2019): First stimulant use. He loved it immediately. He noted the correlation between stimulants and symptom relief without immediately connecting it to ADHD.
Cocaine: Occasional, festive, France and US. “Toujours cette envie d’en avoir plus, mais sans jamais devenir vraiment problématique.”
Ketamine (Paris, 2019 to 2020): Discovered in the techno scene. Began micro-dosing at work for “l’attrait de l’interdit.” A period of ketamine distribution ended when he “ne pouvait plus en vendre,” at which point he consulted a doctor and got Séroplex.
3-MMC (from Arthur era onward, 2020 to 2025): The central substance of the post-Paris period. Phases:
- Festive/sexual (Arthur’s afters, chemsex)
- Functional/productive (solo late nights, coding after Arthur fell asleep)
- Stimming/regulatory (using computer during afters as autism regulation)
- Necessary (no longer enhancing, but required to function)
- Destructive (48h without sleep, freelance failure, June 2023 crisis)
- Ending (Dimitri’s arrival, 2025)
GHB/GBL: Used throughout the Arthur/after-party years. Never became problematic for Steven the way it did for Arthur. His exposure to Arthur’s GBL loss of control acted as “vaccination.”
Séroplex (escitalopram): Prescribed September 2020, discontinued during Arthur era (suspected 3-MMC/SSRI interaction). Never under formal psychiatric follow-up. Reduced and stopped by self-assessment.
Ritalin: Eventually prescribed after ADHD/autism diagnosis (2024). Tolerance built rapidly. “Elle ne fonctionne pas très bien.” He does not give up on it.
MDPHP (from late 2025): Smoked. Replaced 3-MMC after Dimitri’s arrival. Described as “paradoxalement plus fonctionnelle, plus compatible avec le travail.” Still a “béquille bancale” (wobbling crutch) in the Feb to Mar 2026 chronicle.
The functional use insight
The key insight from the Arthur era is the residual use of 3-MMC to code late at night. He experienced this as solving his executive dysfunction problem. It worked. Then it stopped working. Then it became the problem. See Executive Dysfunction.
He describes the late 2022 to 2023 period as the moment “elle commençait à me desservir.” By then the habit had structural depth. Forty-eight hour no-sleep sessions were normalized, and professional obligations depended on stimulation that was no longer reliable.
ADHD/autism reframing
The diagnosis in 2024 did not change what he used or how, but it changed what it meant. Stimulant use as self-medication for undiagnosed ADHD is a known pattern. The context document frames the entire substance arc through this lens: “c’était en quelque sorte un ‘stimming.‘” The self-medication was targeted at functional deficits. See Neurodivergence.
The harm reduction community
A consistent mitigating factor is Steven’s Queer Harm Reduction Community. He describes it as “très ouverte d’esprit et mature en termes de réduction des risques.” This context meant he was rarely using in ignorance. The community had explicit frameworks for managing risk. That does not neutralize the consequences, but it explains why the use did not follow every familiar failure mode.
Current status (as of April 2026)
MDPHP is managed. 3-MMC ended. Ritalin is prescribed but remains sub-therapeutic in effect. He is aware of the neurological debt and still working.