Era: March 2023 Crisis
The March 2023 crisis is the documented floor of Steven’s post-Paris descent. It was the moment the unsustainability of two years of escalating 3-MMC use, professional collapse, and spatial confinement became undeniable. It was followed by the longest sobriety attempt in the documented record and the eventual ADHD/autism diagnosis.
The night of March 27
At 22:04, he wrote: “i must change my life now or i swear i will kill myself, this has been going on for too long, and this fucking circus must stop.”
By 04:59 he was still up, ending what he described as “the last one for a while.” At 05:59, a xanax under his tongue, writing a deadline for himself. At 06:20, he wrote a letter to himself for the morning:
“Good morning you. I know you feel shitty, and sadly, tu vas prendre cher pendant encore un bon moment… try to remember how shitty and frustrating this high feels. think about all the things you are missing (the real life), think about who you will become.”
March 28, Day 1
One of the few hopeful entries in the 2023 journal: “holy fucking god. it works. i’m sat. at my desk. with my computer. i keep crying about it. it just feels so good. i feel free.”
He brushed his teeth. He bought cat food. He sat at his desk. These are the smallest possible actions and they felt enormous.
The first weeks
April 3 (day 6): going to the gym for the first time in more than a year. Walking along the pond. Nature. “i forgot how good it felt to just simply be alone in pure and absolute nature, sitting here, doing nothing.” The GBL relapse on April 5 (“ça n’a eu aucun côté salvateur, et je regrette”). Dreams about consuming. Careful tracking.
April 6: teeth brushed, dishes done by 10:40am. The small triumphs.
April 17: note to self about not relapsing on Mondays (had happened weeks 1 and 3). Administrative plans: CAF, Epitech enrollment, RSA, neuromatch.
May 5: “My mind is driving me crazy. I’m either overwhelmed, either disabled.”
Summer relapse 2023
By June 6, he had returned to consumption. He received 15 grams on Thursday and had gone through them by Sunday, in a darkened apartment with the curtains closed. The fight was not over. The pattern had resumed.
June 12: “c’est peut-être la chose la plus concrète, je ne me sens plus à ma place. Mon entourage ne me fait pas rayonner et ma vie m’ennuie. mais ça va changer.”
What changed in this period
Psychiatric contact: Steven eventually contacted a psychiatrist specializing in adult ADHD after bad experiences with others who dismissed TikTok-popularized ADHD diagnoses. This psychiatrist diagnosed both ADHD and autism. “Un shift complet dans ma perception de la réalité.” The autism diagnosis reframed the previous years as autistic burnout.
He received a Ritalin prescription. The first dose was described as “presque salvateur”, but tolerance built quickly.
He moved out of the 18m² studio (December 2023 per the Feb–Mar 2026 chronicle). He stayed with friends in Paris. Eventually Brigitte bought the Apartment 19th Arrondissement.