Pattern: Neurodivergence (ADHD + ASD)
Steven carries diagnoses of ADHD and autism spectrum disorder (ASD), received formally in 2024 from a psychiatrist specializing in adult ADHD. The autism diagnosis was unexpected. It came within the same consultation. He describes the dual diagnosis as “un shift complet dans ma perception de la réalité.”
The diagnosis moment
He had sought out this particular psychiatrist after bad experiences with others who dismissed ADHD as a TikTok trend. He went in to discuss ADHD. The psychiatrist identified autism as well.
“Lors de notre première rencontre, j’ai essayé de résumer mon ressenti et mes différents symptômes. C’est lui qui m’a annoncé qu’en plus de mon TDAH, j’étais sur le spectre de l’autisme. Ça a été un shift complet dans ma perception de la réalité, j’ai entamé un chemin de redécouverte de moi-même.”
Prior to the diagnosis, he had been in what the psychiatrist helped him understand as Autistic Burnout for nearly two years without knowing it. “Ça m’a beaucoup soulagé de comprendre que je n’étais pas juste une sombre merde sans compétence, mais que je n’avais pas les bonnes cartes en main pour avancer.”
ADHD presentation
From the therapy transcript, described in detail to Mathias:
Task blindness: absolute. Can move from one task to another without noticing, completely forget the previous task.
Time blindness: severe. He once built a full-screen countdown timer from scratch to help him catch a train instead of packing. He left at the time he was supposed to arrive. He describes this as a consistent pattern: “En général, je pars à l’heure à laquelle je suis censé arriver.”
Executive dysfunction / dysfonction exécutive: cannot initiate tasks he knows are important. Knows the deadline is approaching, cannot start. Requires external pressure (the “adrénaline” of deadline panic) to activate.
Hyperfocus: when he does work, it is often very high quality. The ADHD is not a uniform suppression of capacity. It is a chaotic distribution of it.
Analysis paralysis: 50+ projects in various states of beginning. No hierarchy stable enough to execute. The queue expands, the action rate doesn’t.
Perception of time: distorted generally. Mornings that disappear into irrelevant hyperfocus. Sessions that last until 48h without sleep.
Autism presentation
Masking: described extensively. See Masking and Social Performance.
Alexithymia: “Je ressens pas mes émotions, je les sens pas. Le seul moment où je vais les sentir, c’est quand elles soit dépassent un certain seuil. Et à ce moment-là… c’est une situation extrême parce que ça explose.” Or he feels them physically without knowing what they are.
Sensory sensitivity: stimulation sensitivity in social contexts (after-parties as extreme social environments). Using the computer as a buffer/stimming tool.
Fear of observation: see Masking and Social Performance. Six months without opening curtains. The switch that activates when visible to others.
Stimming: identified retrospectively. The late-night coding sessions during afters were autism regulation, not just work. The computer acted as a buffer against social overstimulation.
MBTI as early proxy
Before any formal diagnosis, MBTI gave him a first framework: “le jour où j’ai lu ma page Wikipédia de mon type [INTP], je suis INTP… j’ai découvert que non, j’étais pas bizarre, j’étais juste différent en fait.” He acknowledges the lack of scientific rigor but credits it as a pivotal reframe.
The burnout context
The years 2022 to 2025 are now legible as Autistic Burnout. “Pendant ces presque deux dernières années, j’étais dans un burn-out autistique sans le savoir.” Burnout in this context means the accumulated cost of years of masking, forcing himself into incompatible structures such as offices, commutes, standup meetings, and ESN culture, and self-medicating for deficits he did not have words for. His adaptive capacity was exhausted.
Ritalin
First Ritalin prescription: felt “presque salvateur.” Tolerance built quickly. As of January 2025 (the context document), it doesn’t work well. He doesn’t give up.